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“Mommy, you’re fat!”

Although this was not a totally shocking comment from my not-afraid-to-be-brutally-honest four-and-a-half-year-old, I turned around and quickly retorted:

“Excuse me! We do NOT say things like that in our family!”

As I was saying this, I realized both of my girls were pointing and laughing hysterically – not at me, but at my reflection in the convenience store restroom hand dryer. The curves in the shiny metal surface of the dryer showed a distorted, squished and, therefore, widened version of myself that was, of course, totally worthy of laughter!

Mirrors. What would we do without them? Having the ability to see a clear reflection of our appearance is something we take for granted in our modern world. We don’t have to depend on still water or polished metal to know what we look like – we can get an accurate view whenever we want!

A warped mirror, however, like the distorted image in the hand dryer or those playground fun mirrors, does not give an accurate reflection. You would never put a mirror like that in your house – well, maybe for fun, but not because you were depending on it to know what you look like!

This week I pulled out my 8th grade yearbook page (yes, in my small town Vermont class of 25 students we all got our own page!). Each student was assigned the task of finding and filling their page with photos, words, symbols, or quotes (remember there was no internet and no fancy printers in those days…) that gave others a picture of who we were and what we were all about.

Looking back at my page cracks me up now because, of course, I was in 8th grade and had no clue who I really was! I thought I was all about recycling and world peace, art and music, and “dreaming a better world”. I may have cared about those things some – but really, all I was doing was looking at the world around me and trying to become what I thought they wanted me to be.

I was looking in the wrong mirrors.

When we look to the world around us, expecting to see who we are, how we’re doing, or who we’re supposed to be – all we get are warped reflections. Because every one of those mirrors has an angle – especially the world of social media (which I’m so glad didn’t exist when I was in 8th grade – can I get an “amen”?!)

Even though all these years later I know who I really am, I still find it tempting to just take a quick glance at what’s out there every once in a while.

Some days I see a reflection of “not active or healthy enough”. Often I see a reflection of “not enough of an activist“. I see a reflections of “not hip enough,” “not funny enough,” and “not creative enough”. And, of course, you can’t scroll through your news feed lately without being told that 17 reasons everything you’ve ever thought was incorrect or 18 ways everything you’ve ever done could have been done better.

It’s exhausting! Looking for your reflection among these mirrors only leaves you feeling stressed and depressed. Whatever reflections of yourself you’re seeing out there in our world of comparison, remember that they’re distorted. Squished. Widened. Angled. They’re not accurate.

The only way to get a clear view is to turn your eyes to the One who formed you and knows you better than you’ll ever know yourself. It’s in knowing Him that we “find” ourselves – because it’s in knowing Him that we begin to understand His work.

The more you look at God, the more you’ll understand that He does everything with purpose – and that He never makes mistakes. The more you look at God, the more you’ll be in awe of His ways – and the more you’ll learn to trust that you are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). The more you look at God, the more you’ll see that He works more in the unseen than the seen, and that “He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” (Philippians 1:6) And the more you look at Him, the more you’ll be aware of the fact that “God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases Him.” (Philippians 2:13) Because of Christ, you are enough.

“O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me.” (Psalm 139:1) God, thank you for forming me so well, knowing me so well, and working in me so well. Help me to keep my eyes on you and trust that it’s only Your reflection of me that counts. Amen.

Oh, the joy of waking up on Easter morning to a basket full of treats just for you. Your very own chocolate, marshmallow, and jellybean picnic! Yum!

And how much better when your mom and dad, instead of limiting you with rules and regulations on how much you can have this morning, today, our tomorrow, say “Go for it! You’re free to have as much as you want!”

Yes, this was our policy this year. Not because we thought it was an especially wise parenting choice, but because we did the limiting beforehand by only giving a small amount of candy in each basket. In our post-spring-break-traveling daze, we really just didn’t have the energy to enforce rationing.

Of course, we also didn’t have the energy to deal with the consequential sugar-highs, lows, and tummy aches, but at least we knew they were coming ;).

Unlike my experience last week in Vermont.

I was staying at my parents’ house and on the first morning I was there, I woke up and decided to make myself some coffee. At home we have a single-serving coffee-maker and I can’t even tell you the last time I made a “pot of coffee”. But I wanted my precious morning brew, so I gave it a try.

I like my coffee strong (I have nightmares about weak coffee), so I looked at the brewing suggestions on the package – and then added a few extra scoops. Caffeine and I have a love/hate relationship, but it was ‘vacation’ – I had no stressful plans and few responsibilities that day, so instead of limiting myself to half-caff, I gave myself the freedom to indulge!

But two cups and a couple of hours later, I felt like someone had thrown me on one of those amusement park teacup rides, locked me in, set it to high speed, and wouldn’t let it stop. I was dizzy, nauseous, irritable, and unable to focus. I was a mess and there was no way out. I felt completely trapped as I desperately waited (several hours) for the effects of my bad caffeine choice to wear off.

As I was preparing my heart and mind for Easter this year, I found a song that I have since kept on repeat. This verse in particular has been stuck in my head:

“Our Savior displayed on a criminal’s cross
And darkness rejoiced as though Heaven had lost
But then Jesus arose with our freedom in hand
That’s when death was arrested and my life began”*

I love the picture of Jesus rising in victory, defeating darkness and death, “with our freedom in hand”. Though our disobedience made us “by nature deserving of wrath” (Ephesians 2:3) and facing a spiritual death penalty (Romans 6:23), Jesus stepped in on our behalf to not only be “delivered over to death for our sins,” but to also be “raised to life for our justification” (Romans 4:25). Because the tomb is empty, we are free.

Photo credit: Kevin Dow

But what does “free” really mean?

Most importantly, of course, it means we are free from the spiritual consequences of our sin. We no longer have to live in fear that God won’t accept us because of what we’ve done or ‘just hope’ that we’ll be ‘good enough’ to make it into heaven – Jesus took all of the punishment we deserve upon Himself and, by simply trusting in that, we are acquitted of all charges. We have been released from the prison of trying to ‘earn’ our way into a relationship with God or a spot in eternity with Him!

In Galatians 5:1, Paul says, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” The Galatian believers had been led to believe that Christ’s death and resurrection were not enough to fully save them, and Paul was warning them that going back to an ‘earning’ mentality was like receiving your freedom and then willingly walking right back into prison.

Living a ‘free’ life means I am free to be myself. I am free to come to Jesus as I am – in all of my weakness and mess – and know that I am accepted by Him. I’m free from living under the weight of rules and regulations I can’t seem to measure up to. I’m free to throw off the facade that I somehow have it all together – or that I ever will.

But living a ‘free’ life also means I’m free from myself.

There’s a temptation to think: “Because I live in freedom, I can do whatever I want. A lot of those Christian ‘rules’ are outdated and unrealistic, anyway.” It’s tempting to think that freedom means throwing off the limits God has put in place – especially in those ‘gray areas’ where we don’t really know for sure what He has to say.

But just like last week’s caffeine overdose, I always find that the freedom to do whatever I want just leads me right back into a different prison – the prison of my self. This prison seems so relentlessly enticing and promises me lots of exciting, comforting, and fulfilling things. But as soon as I give in and walk in the door, I find myself trapped. Because by doing whatever I want, I have only become a slave to myself.

Our freedom from spiritual death was purchased when Jesus paid the price for it on the cross, but it’s the power of the resurrection living in us that gives us the hope of freedom from ourselves. Because the tomb is empty, I am no longer on an aimless search for things that will gratify my own desires and needs – I’m free to say “no” because of the “incomparably great power” God has given to me, which is “the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead” (Ephesians 1:19-20).

Because of Christ, I am free. I’m even free to enslave myself again. But I’m also free to not.

When the focus is on me I will be imprisoned either way – in the self-indulgence of following the rules for my own gain or the self-indulgence of discarding the rules for my own pleasure. But in Christ I’m free to shift the focus off of me and move it onto Him instead, because that’s the only way I’ll ever truly be free.

“Therefore…let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:1-2)

*North Point InsideOut, “Death Was Arrested”

I have a few questions I can’t wait to find out the answers to when I get to heaven. There are the usuals, of course, like “Why is there so much suffering in the world?” and “How did that whole creating the universe thing work?” And then there’s this one:

WHY???

How is it possible that I can take my completely untangled ear buds, put them in a drawer for a week, and then pull them out and they look like this? No one even touched them!

I’ve done the research and no one seems to be able to give me a good explanation other than the fact that it’s inevitable. Basically (skipping the big words and mathematical formulas), whenever a cord is long enough to wrap around itself and form coils, it’s almost guaranteed that those coils, combined with any added friction or movement, will result in tangles and knots.

After 30-something years of interacting with other people on this planet, I’ve learned that the same is true for relationships. Put any two people in any sort of close proximity and tangles and knots will result. It’s just inevitable that things are going to get messy. All of our relationship ‘statuses’ should say “It’s complicated”!

Relationships are a regular source of pain and frustration in all of our lives. But a few weeks ago I came across a verse that I believe sums up, not only the nature of humanity, but our relationship problems as well.

In Genesis 20, Abraham has, for the second time in his travels, decided to lie and tell people that his wife, Sarah, is his sister. He (again) gets found out, resulting (again) in conflict between him and the local rulers who feel they have been deceived.

A big deal is made throughout Genesis about the actions of people and whose “voice” they listened to in making those choices. For example, Adam was cursed because he “listened to the voice of [his] wife,” (Genesis 3:17) and Rebekah told her son, Jacob, to “only obey my voice” (27:13) as they together deceived Isaac and Esau.

As for Abraham, he unfortunately “listened to the voice of” (16:2) his wife as she tried to solve her childbearing issues in her own way. But he also, “went as the LORD had told him,” (12:4) and it was declared by God that “all the nations of the earth shall be blessed, because Abraham obeyed my voice” (26:4-5).

In Genesis 20, though, it was a different voice that Abraham listened to:

“And Abimelech said to Abraham, ‘What did you see, that you did this thing?’ Abraham said, ‘I did it because I thought, “There is no fear of God at all in this place, and they will kill me because of my wife.”‘” (20:10-11)

“I did it because I thought…”

It occurred to me recently that I may be unintentionally making the knots in my earbuds worse by trying, in hurried frustration, to untangle them. It seems like it should work, but as I haphazardly grab parts of the cord and start to pull, I’m actually tightening the knots that already exist and creating more along the way.

I truly believe that most of the pain we cause each other in relationships is not intentionally malicious, but rather a whole lot of “I did it because I thought…”. Instead of listening to the voice of God and His word, we choose to obey our own thoughts of emotion, self-protection, and ‘common sense’. In Jesus’ teaching alone, He offered us so much help! But, most of the time, when we see a knot (or at least what we perceive to be a knot), we start grabbing and pulling – doing what we think should work. But in the end, we only make things worse.

For example, Jesus says: “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone.” (Matthew 18:15)
But we don’t, because we think, “If I just ignore this problem, it will go away eventually.” Or because we think, “I should really talk to someone else (or multiple-someone-elses) first, because that will help me process the situation.”

Jesus says: “Forgive” (Matthew 18:22)
But we don’t, because we think, “If I forgive, that means I’m saying what he did is okay.” Or because we think, “Holding onto this grudge will make me feel better – I’ll feel like I’m in control so she can’t hurt me again.”

Jesus says: “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:38) and “Whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them” (Matthew 7:12)
But we don’t, because we think, “If I show love to that person it means I have to agree with him.” Or because we think, “She doesn’t really care about me, so why waste my time?”

It amazes me how easily I fall into the trap of listening to my own voice. “I did it because I thought…” decisions are an all too common occurrence in my relationships – even when I know I’m the one making things complicated!

One of the ‘tricks’ suggested for untangling earbuds and other cords is to realize that they may not be as tangled as you think. So, instead of grabbing and pulling, try simply taking one end in your hand and dropping the rest. As they fall, many tangles will roll right out and you’ll be left with a lot less mess in the end.

Relationship tangles may be inevitable, but, as followers of Jesus we can choose to listen to His voice – and drop the rest. We can choose to let go of the way we think things should be done and trust that He really does know what He’s talking about! Obeying His voice isn’t always easy – in fact it may be the hardest thing you’ve ever done, but at least you’ll be able to say, “I did it because He said…”

An elementary school noon dismissal plus a sunny day over 60 degrees means one thing – time for a Desilets Family Adventure! Last Friday was a perfect day to kick off the spring season with a hike, and we took full advantage of the opportunity. We packed some water and snacks, picked up the kids, and traded suburbia for this:

We all marched with excitement a mile straight up the rocky Appalachian trail, and were treated at the end to some sweet boulder climbing and an awesome view of the valley below.

And a mile straight up a rocky trail makes for an even more fun trip down! The older girls and I took the lead, and, since the potential for falls is much greater in this direction, Tim grabbed our less-experienced (and somewhat reckless) 4-year-old’s hand to help her navigate the path down. After a full day of activity, we were nearing serious preschooler meltdown zone and I decided this would be a great job for “Daddy” – because even a tiny stumble could mean “Carry me!” the rest of the way down.

But as we neared the bottom, instead of hearing whining or crying, all I heard from the back of the line was giggling. I turned around to see Anna running, skipping, and courageously leaping off of rocks – completely free and secure in the confidence that her Daddy had her hand and would not let her fall.

There’s been a lot of talk in the Christian world lately about being “brave” – about facing our fears and taking those next steps God is asking us to take with courage – rather than cowering under the excuses of our weaknesses, the guilt of our failures, and the ease of comfort zones.

As a frequent cower-er myself, I want so badly to face life with the courage of those great heroes I read about in the Bible and in the history of God’s people. I wonder if I would have had the boldness of David, the resolution of Daniel, or the fearlessness of Joshua if I had been in their shoes. It’s hard to imagine, though, when I can barely muster up the guts to take those ‘next steps’ of obedience in my daily life!

It makes total sense that “fear not” is the most frequently spoken command from God in His word, because one of our most basic instincts is self-protection. It’s just plain natural for us to cower and hide. The potential for falls, failure, and even simple discomfort are enough to make us take it slow – or even stand still. Most of us probably don’t even realize how many of our daily choices (or lack thereof) are rooted in fear!

Some of the most familiar verses referred to when we talk about courage are found in God’s promises to Joshua and the people of Israel. In Deuteronomy 31:6, Moses says: “Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” The reason they were not to fear was not because there was nothing to fear – but rather because their God would be with them.

The Hebrew term for God being with (and therefore not leaving) them has to do with a letting go or throwing down, specifically from the hand*. For example, the same word is used in Joshua 10:6, “And the men of Gibeon sent to Joshua at the camp in Gilgal, saying, ‘Do not relax your hand from your servants. Come up to us quickly and save us and help us.'”

Being brave does not come from strength we find within ourselves, from circumstances that we predict will lean in our favor, or from guarantees of success. Instead, like Anna’s downhill joy-run, being brave means trusting that the hand that is holding you will never relax, never take a break, and never let you go.

You might think this happy sight lasted all the way down the hill, but, of course, as soon as I pulled out my camera, this happened:

Yes, she fell. Yes, there was pain. Yes, there were tears. But, no, her Daddy did not relax his grasp or let go of her hand for even a second – in fact his grip may have actually tightened.

We all have a next step of obedience that God is leading us to take. Maybe it’s to put your faith in Him for the first time or to turn your entire life over to Him – not just part of it. Maybe it’s going public and getting baptized or sharing your faith with a friend. Maybe it’s joining a small group, reading the Bible, praying out loud, finding a ministry to serve in, or tithing. Maybe it’s forgiving someone who hurt you, showing love to someone in your neighborhood, or opening your home to a child in need. Most of us already know what this step is, but something is preventing us from taking it – the root of it likely being some sort of fear.

But what do we have to fear when God is with us? Why do we hold back when we know that His strong hand is so firmly gripped to ours? You and I can take our next steps with confidence and joy, not because we can’t fall (we very well might!) but because we know He’ll be holding on tight the whole time.

When Anna fell on the trail, I doubted there would be any recovery from this turn of events. I was sure that Tim would be carrying her the rest of the way and we could say goodbye to the laughter and hello to a constant stream of tears.

But, believe it or not, a less than two minutes later she was right back at it again. Her Daddy had not only held her hand the whole time, but he was also the one who picked her up, the one who wiped her tears, and the one who encouraged her to get down and try again.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 41:10

Be brave! Grand adventures await…

*http://www.blueletterbible.org

This weekend, in an attempt to find some *real* coffee during our stay in rural Georgia, we happened upon the Nora Mills Granary and Country Store. Inside we found, as expected, lots of flours, cornmeal, and grain mixes. But as we turned the corner, we saw this:

I immediately seized the opportunity to turn this into a teachable moment for my engineering-minded 9-year-old and, of course, validate our “educational” reason for missing three days of school (you can’t just take a “family” trip anymore :/).

As the sign says, “We are grinding corn on the original French Burr Stones installed in 1876, powered by the Chattahoochee River.” The really cool thing is that not only were we able to see the stones spinning and the corn being ground, but we were also able to walk out back and see where the water from the river was being used to move the gears that made those stones turn.

We learned from one of the store employees that before the Industrial Revolution, mills like this one were built on the banks of rivers in this area in order to take advantage of the natural power the moving water provided. The constant flow of water, when correctly channeled, has the power to rotate those 1,500lb stones approximately 100 times per minute!

As human beings we have the power to be productive. Not only are we physically able to make things happen, but we are also mentally and emotionally able to make decisions, manage relationships, and accomplish goals.

Most of us, though, at some point in our lives question the effectiveness of our individual personality in those areas. Sometimes it just seems we could be so much more productive if we were like that guy or get better results if we were like that girl.

About two years ago, after noticing a regular pattern of spiraling emotional meltdowns in my life, I decided to start seeing a counselor. I had begun to dread the most important aspect of my work – youth group – as well as all other social events. As a person highly involved in ministry – at a church – with people – this was not good!

But the diagnosis was quick and the source of the meltdowns pinpointed right away: I was officially an introvert.

I had known about this diagnosis since my college years – that being around people drains my energy and alone time recharges it. I had always held on to the hope, though, that I was going to be “cured” – that as time passed and I gained more experience and stepped out of my comfort zone as much as possible, God would fix me. Surely He would make me more outgoing, talkative, and socially comfortable so I could be more effective in ministry!

But six months of appointments (and a hefty chunk of change) later, I finally came to the realization that this part of my personality was never going to change – it’s just who I am. I’m always going to be anxious about social events, always going to feel uncomfortable talking to people I don’t know well, and always going to spend an unreasonable amount of time thinking about what I’m going to say – and then not actually saying it. And there’s a good chance that God’s going to work through me anyway.

Last week I came across a verse in Genesis that I had never really paid attention to before:

“Jacob was a quiet man who stayed at home” (Genesis 25:27 ESV)

“Hmmm,” I thought, “I could get along with this guy!”

Jacob was a “quiet” man. Other uses of this adjective in Scripture have to do with a person’s moral character, but most commentators agree that this one is meant to describe Jacob’s even-tempered and contemplative personality in opposition to his more aggressive and impulsive twin brother, Esau.

It’s because of potentially-introverted people like Jacob, more out-going people like Esau, and a long list of others, that we see God do some really cool things – He channels the power of the personalities He placed within them for His purposes. Sometimes He uses people in spite of their temperaments or preferences and sometimes He uses those exact temperaments and preferences to accomplish very specific things in His Kingdom.

As we’ve been driving around for the past few days in Georgia and North Carolina, I’ve been seeing rivers and waterfalls in a whole new way – untapped power!

And when I look around at our churches and our world, I see the same thing – so many people sitting back and thinking that if only they were more like so and so or if they weren’t so shy or so loud then God could be using them, too.

But nothing could be further from the truth! God created you to be exactly who you are and placed you exactly where you are for a very specific purpose. He wants to channel that power – that loud and crazy or soft-spoken and shy or energetic and feisty or calm, cool, and collected power to keep the wheels of His church moving, producing more and more growth and love and redemption every day.

I’m an introvert – I’ve fully come to terms with it, handed it over to God, and asked Him to use me because of it and in spite of it. Over the past couple of years, I’ve been able to narrow down my roles in our family, at church, and at youth events so it’s not all so overwhelming to me. I’ve even started playing dodge ball (very horribly – I’m not joking, I have absolutely zero aim) with some of the guys and a couple girls at high school youth group and it’s great, you know why? We just throw balls at each other and I don’t have to talk to anybody! I love it!

You don’t need to be anybody else – you just need to be YOU. And God doesn’t want you to be anyone else either – that’s why He made you YOU. So embrace it and allow Him to harness the power of that personality – you just never know what He might do through you!

I’m not a fan of bright lights. Sunglasses are a necessity to my everyday existence and you can ask my husband about my compulsive habit of turning off every light in the house (especially when people are still in the rooms). Fluorescent-ly lit areas and non-dimmable fixtures are my kryptonite.

I’m also not a fan of the dentist. Don’t get me wrong, I actually like our dentist as a person – he’s a great guy – but the idea of walking into that office, laying back in a chair, and having a bright light pointed right at my face, exposing the dark places of my mouth to full examination is never something I look forward to. And thanks to the combination of my genetically cavity-prone teeth, a lifetime of inhaled asthma medication and allergy-induced mouth-breathing, and, of course, a refusal to cut sugar out of my diet – the diagnosis is rarely good news.

For the past two weeks, I’ve been sharing with you my journey of moving from an every-once-in-a-while, when-it-was-necessary Bible reader to a daily-committed, whatever-it-takes student of the Word. It began with a decision to say “Yes” to God and was followed by a realization that a “Yes” to God always means a “No” to other things.

Unfortunately, part three is one you probably don’t want to hear about. You can consider this my official warning that you may not want to continue reading this post – because what happened after I said “yes” to God and “no” to the world was not necessarily pretty.

During my freshman year of college, I was on an incredible spiritual “high”. I had chosen Jesus, given my life to serving Him and now I was fired up and ready to go! I couldn’t wait to see how He was going to grow me and change me and use me to lead others to Him! It (I) was going to be awesome!

The chorus of my favorite song during that time went like this:

“I wanna be in the light
As You are in the light
I wanna shine like the stars
In the heavens”*

In my mind, my time of being “in the light” was coming. Sure, I struggled to obey God fully then, but if I kept following Jesus, He was going to fix all that! There was a day looming on the horizon when I would get it all together and be living life in God’s light – and because of my obedience, other people would see the light and come to know Jesus! My future was SO bright.

It wasn’t until the spring of 2014, though, that I understood what this song (and the verse the songwriters were referencing – 1 John 1:7) was actually talking about.

When I first made my commitment to consistently spending time in God’s Word, I thought my time “in the light” was finally coming. I was finally going to get it all together! But what I didn’t know was that being “in the light” was less like basking in the rays of the warm sun on a gorgeous day at the beach – and more like walking into the dentist’s office for a check-up.

When I started engaging my heart and mind with God’s words, I was willingly walking into His office, laying back in the chair, and letting Him shine His bright light into the dark places of my soul. And the report wasn’t good. It turned out the decay of my sin ran deeper to the roots of my being than I had ever imagined – and almost 20 years after accepting Christ, though some of my surface ‘cavities’ had been filled, I was still as much in need of a Savior as I was then – maybe even more.

The word of God is a bright light. It reveals the splendor of His holiness and the radiance of His absolute purity. When you turn to face that light, exposing yourself to its beams, you can’t help but see yourself for who you really are. You can’t help but become increasingly aware of the self-protective and self-indulgent nature of your thoughts and actions (see Romans 7:18), the subtle (or not so subtle) misplacement of the desires of your heart (see Jeremiah 17:9), and the utter lack of trust in God that’s buried underneath it all (see the entire book of Genesis – or actually the entire Old Testament – or wait, yeah, it just keeps going…). Because of Jesus our sin is forgiven, but we must become aware of the fullness of our sin in order to truly understand why this grace is so amazing!

I’m cringing because in less than two weeks the appointed day will come when those two teeth that have been on my dentist’s ‘watch list’ for a couple years will finally have the decay drilled out of them and get their fillings. It took me a month just to get up the guts to make the appointment and now the doom is officially impending.

The writer of Hebrews tells us that “the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” (4:12) Submitting yourself to daily appointments in the Word is like signing up for surgery. My sin is forgiven, but that doesn’t mean the Doctor is going to just brush it off and allow it to continue to hurt me and hurt others – He’s gonna go to work. Sure, I could try ignore or deny it, but eventually the pain would overtake me. I need this surgery – I need Him to do His work and replace the decay with the filling of His presence, His love, and His healing!

When I read this passage now, I see it in a totally different light – and maybe you will, too (especially now that I’ve equated it to going to the dentist! Yikes!)

“This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:5-9)

I wanna be in the light, not because it’s where some perfectly obedient future version of me is, but because the God of steadfast love and mercy is there. I wanna be in His bright light, because that’s where I see the truth of who I really am – and where who I really am can be changed by Him.

*”In the Light” by Charlie Peacock/Toby McKeehan (DC Talk), 1995

It’s the dreaded error message that has frustrated technology users from the beginning of time (or at least since the days of the floppy disk):

And although we’ve drastically increased our average hard drive size over the years (those old disks wouldn’t even hold one photo now!), we still keep running out of space. From kilobytes to megabytes to gigabytes to terabytes – it seems the more we get, the more we need.

I’ve been particularly annoyed lately – between my now over-a-year-old phone and my iPad (which I share with my photo-happy children), I can’t seem to download anything new without deleting another app (or 157 selfies) first! Which means in order to say “yes” to one thing – I have to say “no” to something else.

Last week I shared about a major turning point in my life – the day in 2012 when I finally committed to getting up early and spending time with God on a daily basis. I had made excuses for many years – especially the one about “not having time”. I now understood that I would never have the time if I didn’t make the time.

I remember saying to Tim the night before my first official morning: “Well, here we go. Alarm set for 5:30. Every day. This is it.” I hated getting up early, but I knew it had to be done – so I did it.

Nearly every day for many months I was up before 6:00. I studied the Bible, journaled, and prayed. After just a few weeks, I was hooked and couldn’t believe what I had been missing out on all those years! I felt a deeper connection with Jesus than I had felt for a long time, and I knew He was clearly speaking to me through His Word.

I had finally said “yes” to God, and it was changing my life!

Unfortunately, just like my phone has a space capacity, so does my life. Adding something to my day meant that something else was going to have to go. And as a busy, part-time working mother of three, I said “no” to the only thing I could justify – sleep.

As a youth leader, I worked late two nights a week. And if I wasn’t at work, that time after getting my kids to bed was my only time to get actual ‘work’ done. Not to mention the laundry. And the paperwork and projects and email. And soon it was 11… 11:30… 12:15…

By the following summer I was melting down into a sleep-deprived emotional wreck and my family was feeling the effects. The error messages were everywhere: “WARNING! WARNING! Insufficient space!” I was attempting to squeeze it all in – and what was being squeezed out in the process was apparently a necessary element in my ability to function properly (or at least politely) as a human being.

If you’ve ever had a computer, phone, or other device that was low on storage you know that getting anywhere near that “0 MB remaining” line doesn’t just mean you can’t add more stuff – it means your doomed to random crashes, slow processing, and loads of other malfunctions. And freeing up only enough space to fit that new download may work – for a few minutes – but pretty soon you’ll be right back there looking for something else to delete. In most cases, there’s some major cleaning out that needs to be done!

After realizing the source of my malfunction, the next year became a time of reorganizing and reprioritizing. Sleep was restored and it was clear that some other stuff had to be dragged to the trash can.

First, I uninstalled “Supermom”. I said goodbye to thinking I would ever get it together to be ‘that mom’ I always thought I would be. I said goodbye to the pressure to pay every waking moment of my attention to my children and goodbye to the pressure to Pinterest-perfectly shape their lives and their well-being. I said goodbye to volunteering in the school, goodbye to arranging regular playdates, and goodbye to the preschool pick-up line comparison game.

Next came “Awesome Youth Leader”. Ministry, like many jobs that involve working with people, is a 24-7 gig and there’s really no such thing as ‘part-time’. There’s so much more I could be doing and even if I worked ‘full-time’ I would barely scratch the surface! So I said goodbye to the guilt and the perceived expectations – and started making ‘part-time’ more of a reality than a paycheck.

Also uninstalled were “Exceptional Wife,” “Marathon Runner,” and “Anything-to-do-with-having-a-clean-and-organized-house” (oh wait, I’m not sure that one was ever downloaded in the first place ;))

There are many nights where the temptation to re-download is real. Many nights where I get everyone off to bed and think, “I could do it. I could just pull out that project or get on my computer or get that massive pile of laundry put away. It would only take a couple hours, right?” There are many nights when I give in – and truthfully, it never ends well!

It turns out that the whole thing wasn’t as much about getting up early as it was saying “no” to my self and my pride and going to bed early. When it comes to the limited amount of space I have in my life, John the Baptist said it perfectly: “He must increase, but I must decrease.” (John 3:30)

In order to say this “yes” to God, I’ve had to say “no” to many other good things. “Making” this time for Him was not a matter of manufacturing a few more gigs to plug in to my day, but more of a matter of choosing Him (and my sanity) over a whole lot of stuff that wasn’t as necessary as I originally thought.

And as much as I’d love to come up with the perfect line to end this, it’s 10:30pm – so I think I’ll uninstall “Spectacular Blog Writer” and get myself to bed.

“Cause all I know is
Everything I have means nothing
Jesus if You’re not my one thing
Everything I need right now”
(Hillsong, “One Thing”)

“If you use a rescue inhaler two or more times a week, your asthma is not well-controlled and you should talk to your doctor.”

When I heard the words of this TV commercial as a college student, I laughed. “What are they talking about? I use my inhaler every day and my asthma is totally under control! That’s ridiculous!”

But a few months later, when my doctor started me on the very medication that commercial was advertising, I realized how wrong I was. “The important thing” she said, “is that you take it every day, even if your symptoms aren’t bad – it needs to build up in your system in order to be effective in preventing asthma symptoms.”

And she was right. I can now count on one hand the number of times I use my rescue inhaler every year – and the times I have to use it are only because I’ve been neglecting my daily medicine.

Around that same time, having recently committed my life to Christ, I was spending time every day reading a devotional, journaling, and praying. My relationship with God was growing and I was learning what it meant to do everyday life with Him.

But then one day a friend said to me, “It’s great that you’re doing that, but be careful you don’t get legalistic about it!”

As a student at a Christian college, “legalism” was a four-letter-word. The last thing I wanted was for my relationship with God to become about regiment and rules! I didn’t want anyone to think I was just doing it because that’s what “good Christians” did or to show that I was somehow better than them. I know my friend meant well, but for me this was the beginning of the end.

I started missing days here and there. Then weeks here and there. College life was busy and the homework was endless. Pretty soon I got a boyfriend and an internship. Which turned into a husband and a job and full-time ministry life. Oh yeah, and then we had kids.

During those years, my time with God and His Word came in fits and spurts – when I was working on lessons, doing Bible study homework, or when I knew I needed God’s help. It was my rescue inhaler. I knew the daily dose would be better, but I didn’t really have time and besides, I didn’t want to be legalistic about it. If I wasn’t really feeling it, I didn’t want to force it.

By the summer of 2012, though, I was struggling – gasping for air because the ‘rescue inhaler’ wasn’t working anymore.

That was when my friend Kathleen approached me about joining an online accountability group for women who were committed to spending regular time with God before starting their days.* It sounded crazy (and maybe even legalistic), but I knew it was time for a change, so first I laughed at her (I’m NOT a morning person) and then I signed up.

And it was exactly what the doctor ordered:

“The law of the LORD is perfect, refreshing the soul. The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy, making wise the simple. The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes.” (Psalm 19:7-8)

It turns out I desperately needed this medicine!

When I started my new daily asthma medication all those years ago, I had trouble remembering to take it, so I made a note and taped it up on my dorm room wall. It may have seemed a little silly for a 22-year-old to need this, but I had to start somewhere! I knew it would eventually become habit, but for now I had to force it.

The funny thing is that once I saw the benefits of the medicine and how much it improved the quality of my days – I didn’t need the reminders anymore! Taking it just became part of my daily life.

No matter how much I didn’t want to force myself to spend regular time with God, I had to start somewhere. So even though I dreaded the thought of getting up early (or even worse – putting aside my to-do list and going to bed early), I set my alarm and just did it.

And once I saw the benefits – how much it improved the quality of my life and my relationship with God – my perspective changed. I still need an alarm (yep, still NOT a morning person), but when I go to bed at night, I actually can’t wait to get up because I look forward to my “Jesus time” so much!

Yes, even if my ‘symptoms’ aren’t bad, I still take my (almost) daily dose. The effects may not be immediate and visible, but I know God’s Word is being built up in my system. It may have started out as a regimen, but now it’s my life. You can call it “legalism” all you want, but it’s my medicine – and I don’t know what I’d do without it!

*www.hellomornings.org

In elementary schools it’s the source of many giggles and whispers. For the middle-schooler, it’s a queasy, uneasy feeling when that special someone walks in the room. It’s that longing in the pit of your stomach when life can’t.possibly.go.on because your boyfriend or girlfriend isn’t with you 24 hours a day. It’s the beat your heart skips when you realize you’ve found ‘the one’.

It’s the warm, settled satisfaction when you know you’re in the presence of a true friend – and the feeling you’ve just been punched in the stomach when you find out they might not be so true after all. It’s that sinking sensation when someone you care for has been taken away from you and that gut-wrenching desire to help when you witness someone in pain. And it’s the unexplainable, suddenly-willing-to-give-your-own-life kind of affection that overtakes you at the birth of your first child.

Affection is affection because these feelings we have affect us. Something inside of us changes – or at least gets messed with when love takes hold. Sometimes it calms us, sometimes it makes us brave, and sometimes it just makes us do crazy things.

In our modern world, as evidenced by our emojis and “like” symbols, we look at the heart as the source of this emotion. Especially at this time of year, we are reminded that those feelings that draw us to others in love come from the inside – from the organ whose rhythm sustains our very life.

But if the ancient world had Twitter, their “like” symbol would not have been displayed all over cards and used as a shape for candy, because for them the seat of the emotions was a lot closer to their actual seat. Yes, the “bowels” were looked at as the place where those deepest human emotions originated.

My favorite (❤) reference to this in the Bible is found in Luke 15 where Jesus tells the story of a father whose son has insulted and then abandoned him. When the son hits rock bottom and comes to his senses, he decides to return, hoping his father will have an ounce of mercy and take him on as a hired worker.

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.” (Luke 15:20)

This father’s affection affected him. Not only did he refuse to give up hope as he waited and watched for his son, but when he saw him, he did something a father in that time would have humiliated himself to do – he ran to his rebellious son and greeted him as he would have had he never sinned. But it wasn’t just the father’s actions that were affected.

The Greek word for the “compassion” he was “filled with” is splagchnizomai, which means “to be moved as to one’s bowels”*. The word itself is what we might refer to today as onomatopoeia – a word that sounds like what it is. As you say splagchnizomai (three times fast!), you can almost feel the deep, guttural movement of your inner parts as, like the father in the story, your deepest emotions just spew out of you.

Jesus told this story to give us a picture of our Heavenly Father’s love for us. It’s no cute little flutter of emotion, no passing appearance- or action-dependent partiality – His affection toward us reaches to the very core of who He is. And Jesus, as God in the flesh, showed the depth of this compassion when He willingly hung on a cross – allowing His side to be pierced and the blood from the deepest parts of his human body to be poured out to bring us back to Himself.

As much as feeling affection affects us, there’s just as much affecting that happens when we are the recipients of affection. Something about us changes when we know we are loved.

For example, when our oldest daughter has one of those moments where she knows without a doubt that she is loved, she quite literally bounces off the walls – or at least tries to climb them. Our middle daughter grins from ear to ear and begins laughing obnoxiously. And our youngest snuggles in, closes her eyes and starts talking baby talk (also fairly obnoxious at times, but she gets away with it because she is, after all, the baby!).

For me, I talk… and talk and talk and talk (if you don’t believe me, ask my extraordinarily compassionate – and patient – husband). But in those moments when I’m fully aware of God’s love – that the splagchnizomai of God applies to me and the very deepest parts of who I am – I shut up.

Which is why Zephaniah 3:17 has become one of my favorite verses:
“The LORD your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.”

How does God’s affection affect you?

Maybe you’ve never believed that it’s true or that it could possibly apply to you. Maybe you thought you were disqualified because you ran away from it. Maybe it calms you, makes you brave, or makes you do crazy things this world would call foolish. Maybe it makes you bounce of the walls or laugh obnoxiously. Maybe it makes you close your eyes and long deep inside to just be with Him. Maybe it makes your heart skip a beat because you know you’ve found the One.

His love is real – so let Him throw His arms around you and kiss you – and allow it to change you today!

*https://www.blueletterbible.org/lang/lexicon/lexicon.cfm?t=kjv&strongs=g4697

As a family, we believe that life is meant to be an adventure. When our kids look back at their childhoods, we hope that they will not only see a highlight reel of outdoor adventure experiences, but also be convinced that every day life also holds the potential for great challenge and thrill!

Thus far, our plan appears to be working. Maybe a little too well…

Unfortunately, along with every adventure comes risk. Yes, we do a lot of fun stuff, but it never comes without the chance that someone will get hurt. We’ve certainly had our fair share of bumps and bruises, cuts and scrapes, and, of course, the tears that come along with them.

But one of our other great ambitions as parents is to teach our children the value of choice. We operate, as Tim calls it, on a “challenge by choice” basis – meaning if you don’t want to participate, that is your choice. But if you do choose to participate, you must understand that “risky activity may lead to potentially painful consequences”. You may get hurt, but you must understand that you took that risk!

So, when you decide you want to try ‘snowboarding’ on a plastic sled down an icy, hard driveway, you may experience quite a thrill! But you also may end up falling flat on your back – OUCH!

And making yourself a snowbank-chair where you can get a front-row seat on your sisters’ antics is never a risk-free activity…

After over 20 years of being a member of the body of Christ and actively serving in this body, I’ve learned that ministry is never a risk-free activity. Getting involved in what God is doing in the hearts and lives of others can be thrilling – there’s nothing like witnessing God on the move and knowing you were a part of it! However, the adventures of serving God never come without possibility of painful consequences.

After all:

You may be taken advantage of. Having a heart that is willing to serve wherever, whenever is key. But since those hearts are few and far between, that often gives you a fast forward to the top of the volunteer list. Others may even decide you’re so willing and so good at what you do, you must not need them anymore (and *poof* they’re gone!).

Your efforts may go unnoticed. The majority of ministry happens behind the scenes and the time, energy, and heart that you pour into a person, group of people, or task may never be recognized. You may never be thanked or honored – in fact all you may ever get are complaints because…

Someone may disagree with what you’re doing or the way you’re doing it. No matter how confident you are, it’s still no fun to be told you’re wrong. Though most critics are well-meaning on some level, there’s a strong possibility the good you are doing will take a back seat to what they think you could be doing better. And speaking of people…

You may be hurt by someone you serve or serve with. The church is full of broken people, which means your chances of exposure to brokenness (and therefore hurt) in ministry are right around 100%.

You may mess something up. Since you and I are among those broken and flawed people, we don’t always make the best choices. Even those of us who diligently strive to seek and obey God in our ministry activities still have our judgment clouded by self and rush and fear every once in a (short) while. In other words, this one’s a guarantee!

You may even find out it’s not your gifting after all. Those first steps of getting involved in a ministry are often hindered by the nagging questions of “What if I’m not good at that?” or “How do I even know what I’m good at?”. Yes, there’s at least a small possibility that all the effort and time and energy you poured into a specific ministry may feel like a waste when you find out it’s just not your thing.

And finally, your ministry may appear ineffective. Since most of God’s work happens in the heart – in the deep places of the soul that are not visible to the general public, and since God isn’t in a rush like we are, the probability of you seeing that immediate, visible ‘fruit’ you think you need to see is low. Even if you are seeing some ‘results,’ they will rarely feel proportionate to the effort you’re putting in!

As parents, we recently added a new ending to this much repeated family phrase. It now goes something like this: “Risky activity? Potentially painful consequences. Totally worth it.” When I say this to my girls as they’re deciding whether or not to try something (or more often after the tears of failure or injury have ensued), I’m reminding them that the experience of adventure trumps the “OUCH!” that might happen as a result.

When I accepted Christ and then committed my life to ministry, I was ready for adventure! I knew I would be ‘stretched’ and ‘challenged’, but my naive self had no idea the kind of risk I was taking! I can safely say I’ve experienced everything on this list – and since I’m not done yet, I’m sure there’s plenty more to come.

But it’s been totally worth it! Even knowing that one person came to know Jesus or grew in their relationship with Him – and that I was a part of that – makes it worth all the pain on the other side. As 3 John 1:4 states: “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.” Other than the joy of knowing God ourselves, there is no greater thrill than the experience of seeing others come to know Him – or know Him better!

Yes, you may be taken advantage of and your hard work may never be appreciated. Yes, the critics may arise and the relationships might get tricky. Yes, you will make mistakes and it may even feel like you’re wasting your time. But it’s your choice. The risk of bumps and bruises, cuts and scrapes – oh yeah, and the tears that come with them – is real, but I think you’ll find the adventure is totally worth it!